


Goodbye, Shepard

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, happy n7 day!, i'm so sad after writing this lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5163935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even big damn heros have to say goodbye eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Shepard

Shepard’s death happens suddenly, but it’s not unexpected. 

She was old, older than most humans out there. Her cybernetics made it possible for her to keep going longer than average, but even with them, she wasn’t immortal. 

It’s all over the news for days. Ranging from the simple, “WAR HERO DIES IN SLEEP” to “COMMANDER SHEPARD WILL BE MISSED”, the only one that makes Garrus cry -- truly cry -- is “GOODBYE, SHEPARD.” 

Goodbye, Shepard. 

It’s odd to think that a woman who could take a reaper down on foot died in her sleep. Shepard, who always kept fighting, no matter what, died in her sleep. 

It’s almost like she gave up. 

But Garrus knows that’s not true. She was ready, and she was past due. Ashley, Joker, Chakwas -- they had all died long ago. It was her turn.

But that doesn't ease the hurt. 

There’s a big celebration in honor of her life on the Citadel. Garrus attends only for an hour or two. He can’t stand the crowds of people who didn't even know her partying in her honor. Not like he did, anyway. 

But he stays regardless. Shaking hands and accepting apologies. 

_“She will be missed.”_

_“Shepard was my hero. I never got to tell her that. Saved me and my crew once during the war. I couldn’t thank her enough.”  
_

_“Big damn hero, that one. Deserved every medal the Alliance could give her, and more. There’s not going to be another soldier like Shepard anytime soon.”  
_

The actual funeral is small. Only a few of the surviving crew mates are invited. Shepard’s ashes are spread amongst the stars, like she wanted. Space had always been her true home. 

It’s almost surreal, he thinks, once he’s back by himself, to be standing here alone. Her apartment -- _their_ apartment -- despite the size, had always felt small and cozy to him. Whether it was the haphazard armor thrown about or the music blaring over the intercoms, it had always felt like home. 

Now it’s too big, too empty, too quiet. The armor lying around brings tears to his eyes once again, and he turns away. It’s strange for a place to have been so full of life to become desolate and grey in seconds. 

He walks as if he’s in a dream, moving mechanically up the stairs and into their bedroom, where the large TV looms over the bed. 

_“ -- -- Shepard?”_

_She looked over at him with a shit-eating grin. The TV blared from above them. “Hi, Garrus.”_

_“It’s -- “ he glanced over at the clock and dragged a hand down his face. “It’s 2 a.m., Shepard.”  
_

_“Is it?” she asked innocently, then turned back to the screen. “I didn’t realize.”  
_

_“What are you doing up?”  
_

_He had a good idea. Most nights, it was nightmares. Perhaps she didn’t even try to sleep tonight._

_She waved him off, “The usual.” Her face was calm, but he could see it in her eyes. The fear, the uncertainty, the anxiety._

_He gathered her close, knowing she’d talk if she wanted to. “What are you watching?”_

_“Well -- “ she gave the TV a look of confusion. “I’m not quite sure, to tell you the truth. I was watching some soap-opera but that was a while ago. . .”  
_

_She trailed off, only now realizing how long she’s been awake. Garrus stepped in. “I’m sure we can figure it out. If you can singlehandedly defeat the reapers, then the two of us are more than adequate to figure out a TV show.”_

He releases his grip on the holotape, unaware of how close he had come to breaking it until now. Shaking the memory away, he inserts it into the TV. 

Her face flickers onto the screen, and she smiles. Garrus’s heart clenches.

She’s young again, looking as like she did during The Reaper War, sitting in her cabin on the Normandy. The date at the bottom and the bags under her eyes confirm his suspicions. She’s been holding onto this holotape for a while. 

“If you’re watching this, well, I suppose the worst has happened. I hope it’s the Reapers that got me. Not falling down the stairs or anything. What a way to go. I can see the headlines now.” 

She leans back in her chair, chuckling to herself. “But seriously, I hope you don’t ever have to watch this. I hope we both went down fighting together, or we both made it out alive. Not one without the other. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian, right?” 

Her voice cracks. Garrus sits down on the bed. His legs are about to give out underneath him. 

“I love you. I don’t think I’ve said that enough, especially when either of us could die any day now. _I love you,_ and I always will. Please, please remember this. Remember it when you’re feeling sad, or when you feel as if you’re all alone, because you’re not. I’ll be here, with you, every step of the way. I love you.

“I’m a traveler, constantly moving forward and looking back. Alone and as one. I had no choice but to try. For my insatiable curiosity. For my fear of what should happen if I didn’t.”

She sighs, and runs a shaky hand through her hair. “I’m saying goodbye, Garrus. It’s time. You’ve got to look back one last time and know that wherever you go, I will be with you. Or,” she adds, with a grin, “looking down. I hear the bars up there are pretty good.” 

Shepard pauses, as if trying to remember anything she missed, then reaches to switch the camera off. The tears fall freely down his face now. He doesn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“This is Commander Shepard, signing off.”

The screen goes black. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for n7 day. mass effect and shepard have been such a big part of my life ever since i started the games earlier this year. they mean so much to me, and i realized just how much as i sat here crying while i wrote this. 
> 
> the lines used at the end are from the n7 video released today and don’t belong to me.


End file.
